I accidentally laughed at a Bernard Manning joke.

Yes I know. Me, an LGBTQ+ person. Anti racist and anti all forms of bigotry person and I laughed at a racist joke told by Bernard Manning.

Bernard Manning was a popular mainstream T.V. stand up comedian in the 1970’s. Racism was common throughout society back in the day and racists and Homophobes telling racist/Homophobic jokes on T.V. passed as mass entertainment.

Anyway I will put this post in context. I was watching a documentary about racism and they showed a clip of Manning telling his joke about being mugged by a blow up sex doll. I wasn’t expecting the punch line, it took me by surprise and I let fly with a laugh.

It happened, I feel a sense of guilt and shame. My views have never changed, I didn’t think bigotry was funny or acceptable in the early 1970’s when seemingly everyone else did. So why did I find the punchline funny? Why do I find slapstick comedy where people are humiliated, made to look stupid and generally get slapped about funny?

I think the answer is I’m not sure why. It might be because Laurel and Hardy doing slapstick is hilarious whereas clips of real people caught on camera falling over etc. is not funny at all in any sense. Manning’s racist joke was about something impossible happening and he was a professional comedian so had the delivery and timing skill.

I don’t think he was any more racist than the general population and his racism didn’t come from true hate but rather rank stupidity and some kind of misguided populist patriotism. I think that’s true of a large number of people who just don’t think for themselves but adopt other peoples values. Cowards.

Bigotry is wrong and hurts people. Institutional bigotry built into the Establishment is intentional and is designed to attack Human Rights. An attack on anyone’s Human Rights is an attack on everyone’s Human Rights. Bernard Manning was part of the Establishment due to being part of MSM. That is why I feel ashamed for laughing at his stupid racist joke. He was re-enforcing the MSM/Establishment stereotype designed to keep all minorities in their place.

Now that I have analysed why I burst out laughing I think the way forward is to recognise that bigotry is probably something that is in all of us to some degree. It is not OK and it doesn’t matter how it got into us. We should be on our guard and think more deeply about how it might be effecting us I think.

Manning was a racist due to stupidity and his warped sense of what it is to be patriotic. Nazi’s find it easy to recruit such people, they just indoctrinate hate into them. It’s easier than people realise. Indoctrination by Nazi’s works by teaching what it is to be patriotic, how we should think and act, what values we should have, what the meaning of ‘decency ‘ is and they teach pride in being superior to those who do not agree with those teachings. Flags and symbolism are used to represent all of that.

Lesson learned. Life’s all about growing and evolving spiritually I think so I’m glad I heard the joke and glad it came from a professional comedian and not a hate fuelled Nazi or I wouldn’t have laughed and wouldn’t have stopped to think.

My Boat. May God help all who sail in her. xx

This is a test really

This is a test post. I’m too busy with working silly hours and running myself into an early grave haha.

1st. December 2021. I have so much to do. I have been having to work extra shifts and the fatigue is almost at the point where I will have to do something. I must cut stress, number of hours worked and get a lot of real rest. Fatigue is not just being tired, sleep cures that. Fatigue is a very serious condition that eventually triggers all sorts of serious and fatal health conditions.

First chance to check my boat after the storm of Friday 26thNov.2021

I made an attempt at video blogging haha. I’m not very good at it as can be seen above. Never mind it’s just a bit of fun and good practice.

My heart goes out to anyone whose boat suffered damage. I can’t believe the Pilot Cutter broke free. Someone told me that so It’s only hearsay.


I had been to Mitford to see Susan my Laser Treatment Technician for a session of agony. It does work thank God. Very expensive but well worth it. I have not had any thoughts or attempts at suicide since I started living as my true self and Laser treatment is one of the main factors in helping me overcome dysphoria.


I will hopefully have my engine fixed by the New Year. I can’t remember how a couple of bits fit back into it. It must be obvious as I made a mental note telling myself there was no need to take a photo before taking it apart as it was obvious. I should have waited till the batteries had charged and I could use the camera and took pictures anyway.

Quick bio update November 2021. Single, 63 nearly, working, 5’6 or 7, 10st, mix of original/upgraded teeth, I don’t have time for anything other than work and trying to recover from work in order to go back to work the next week. I can’t manage for much longer so something will change soon one way or another.

When I get the chance I will get back to enjoying my hobbies. I gave up trying to find love and romance/dating and all that carry on. I don’t think I’m even interested anymore and am self conscious about my lousy body so don’t want to get to close to anyone. xx

Just testing

This is just a test

Novice gardener

Making a start on a neglected front and back garden

I just never have any time to do anything. Not properly anyway. The forces of nature are causing my garden to mutate into a wilderness. What must the neighbours think.

Actually most of my neighbours have concrete drives at the front. Not sure if I would like one myself. I have had plans in my head for ages about what I want to do with ‘my land’. I walk around the area a couple of streets away where the houses are bigger and have room for a drive and a nice garden and get my ideas from them. I even have some of their plants growing on my windowsill. I didn’t pinch the whole plant, the ones I really like are too big so I took cuttings.

It should turn into a bush when I let it loose into the garden

At my age (62) I don’t want to over do things and the time to dig is in the autumn so I missed that bit. I don’t know where the saying ‘hard work never killed anyone’ came from but I guess it must have been a fairly right wing politition. Hitler or one of them types. It’s obviously not true anyway. ‘Dirt never hurt anyone’ is another saying that’s not true. Probably a slum landlord came up with that one.

Apart from getting killed outright or dying from an infection from the dirt I want to avoid a bad back, losing an eye and stabbing my feet with the spikey shovel. I will come back to that when I remember it’s proper name. I just want to enjoy the health benefits of having a nice garden whilst avoiding the unhealthy side effects of hard work. I wore gloves, glasses and boots for safety. The strimmer is pretty quiet or I would have used the ear plugs I use when Vacuuming.

Fork, that’s the one I was thinking of. Not sure what your supposed to dig with, fork or shovel. I tried both just last year and they are both hard work. I will just use one till it breaks then switch to the other one.

Some tools and Slow Coach the Tortoise. He does move but I don’t know how, him being plastic like. xx

I have made a start. The first thing I did was cut the grass at the front. I bought a cordless strimmer and it didn’t take long. Just a tidy really to stop kids from knocking every few hours wanting to cut it. They are not cheap either them kids and the flex on their strimmer is not long enough to stretch back to their mam’s gaff so they expect a tenner and free electric. I was £10 up by the time I finished the front and it only took 15 minutes. There is a tree stump trying to take up all the space to one side. I will deal with that another time.

I left the side garden and Sycamore tree stump for another day.

My next priority was to get my Tatties in. I didn’t have time in the Autumn to dig the back garden and don’t have time nor energy to do it now. My solution was to skim the greenery off the top of the soil with the shovel, make little holes with my mini shovel and pop the Tatties in. Some nice new compost on top should make them feel at home and keep them warm and cosy. I planted 27 of them today. We shouldn’t starve to death this year like we did last year. Hoarders stripped supermarket shelves of anything remotely edible last year.

It was still hard work but I paced myself. Took 2 hours but doing it properly would have took a lot longer.

That’s all I am doing for this week. There is a magnificent Nettle patch down one half of the garden. Rather than see them as an eyesore as Mr. Grumpy Pants does, don’t ask. I see them as a fantastic easy grow crop of leaves that can be harvested for a herbal drink and a nutrient rich tasty bit of greenery for the dinner plate. I also know that lot’s of different types of Butterfly like them. I bet I have the finest Nettle patch in the whole street.

I feel like I have taken all day but I have made some progress. I think gardening is fun because it gives you something to look forward to. I can see a fantastic garden in my mind and I am sitting there in the nice warm sun with a good book and a nice cup of Nettle tea in amongst a lovely garden with a mix of veg and flowers. Oh look, there are hanging baskets on the fences and wind chimes and over there a shed with a little patio like on Little house on the prairie. I can see Ma Baker sitting in a rocking chair now. Upside down clay pipe in her toothless mouth and Tommy gun on her lap. Better leave it there.

I have lots of good things to look forward to this year. It’s all very exciting.


counter widget

I might be looking for a Boyfriend for casual dating and perhaps long term relationship. Don’t know really. See what happens.

Sitting on a cold hard rock. xx

I am very self conscious as I accidentally loosened a tooth and it became so painful I eventually had to pull it out. My upgraded plastic teeth at the front don’t fit properly as a result. You can’t really tell! Most fellas skip through profiles to the pictures so if I meet and there’s any complaints when I pop me gnashers out I can point to this little disclaimer.

I may not be able to measure up to a fantasy version or stereotype of myself. The real me is loving, warm, attentive, loyal and quite able to surprise.

I’m just going to trust in fate here. This site is not advertised or indexed by search engines so only fate will cause someone to end up here.

Anyway here goes. I am a Transgender woman but apart from that am just very ordinary, honest, caring and loving. I started living as my true self just a few years ago. It sorted out all sorts of internal turmoil. I just made the decision and made the change. I had spent 55 years desperately trying to live as a sort of stereotype. I was 5 years old when I gave up trying to explain about myself. I wasn’t bitter at the time, just felt like a reject that didn’t belong anywhere. I wished I had never been born. How on Earth did I manage? I don’t know. Some kind of instruction book would have helped haha. Never mind, I will put a link here when I finish writing about it.

Anyway about me.

I’m called Pauline. I live in South Tyneside.

5’6 Blue eyes, nice legs, not a bad figure in fact considering I am 62. I weigh about 10 stone. I am looking for a broad minded, confident fella.

Might be best just to view the pictures now. Save a bit of time. If you are put off by the pictures we won’t be seeing each other after all. I don’t want a fella who is ashamed to be seen with me in case his mates take the micky. I am not ashamed of myself, I didn’t ask to be born Trans after all.

Never mind, you can come back to this if you are not put off haha. (I think I might have a rather nervous laugh when I feel uncomfortable but not sure about that lol). There are plenty of other things about myself that I am not happy about but they are superficial really, mainly to do with how I look not the kind of person I am. I have a lot of love in my heart and have never invited hate in. I have a lot of love to give and just want love and romance same as most people. I’m trying hard not to do that laugh thing again. xx

I am looking for a long term relationship, hopefully, with a nice man of my own age more or slightly less. I was on POF and my experience was positive but I didn’t feel fully accepted on the main stream dating sites. I didn’t get any abuse and everyone was quite pleasant in fact but I had to explain myself quite a lot and I don’t like having to do that.

I am going to get the awkward part of the profile out of the way now. I’m not embarrassed to talk about what follows so I must be very easy going. Anyway, going to mention the unmentionable so get ready for blushes lol. I am ‘pre op’ and at my age I might not even be able to have one. I hope I can but the reality is that I might not live long enough. The waiting list is very long and every year I ring them only to find it’s even longer but at least they have not forgotten me.

I am fully female and always have been since I was born but was never recognised as such even though I did tell everyone when I was little. No body listened or understood and most people still don’t understand, that’s just how it is. I am and always have been female. Unfortunately the body is not.

So the profile. My hobbies are:-

Sailing, reading fiction and non fiction, Theater if someone will take me, meditation and music. I also enjoy archery but I practice alone to avoid the self declared experts haha. I like to see my friends once a week for a good catch up and to drink tea and hopefully to have a nice visit to somewhere, well, nice. We don’t go very far, usually a walk round a local park or such like. I don’t smoke and don’t drink, I’m daft enough without drinking, don’t mind if others do though.

There is nothing false about the photo’s so I couldn’t look any worse. Actually I could given the nature of time, hurry while stocks last if you are at all interested haha. xx

I don’t like my body much but do want any potential boyfriend to fancy me. I am very easy going and understanding I think. I go with intuition and don’t judge others in the way people are judged in court. I accept everyone as a work in progress rather than make judgements.

Well that’s it. To sum up. I am honest and have a lot of love to share. I am loyal and like to please others. I am looking for a nice mature man for a casual or long term relationship. I am very easy going and undemanding.

If you would like to chat so we can get to know each other just post a comment. It will only be seen by myself and not made public and if you are interested I will give you my email address.

Home alone hairdressing debacle

I have just successfully cut my fringe. What it looks like now is anyone’s guess. At least I have achieved something today although what I have achieved is not quite clear to me yet. I think it is acceptable. I made a little video so I could ask my opinion on the result.

What’s done is done so it doesn’t really matter if it’s a mess or not.

Hairdressing must be very stressful, I felt quite stressed about cutting my fringe and took ages working up courage to actually do the cutting. Imagine messing someone elses hair up though. I couldn’t do it, my hands would be all a quiver with the fear of it all.

I was inspired by the newsreader who said she cut her own fringe with nail scissors when she introduced an article about hairdressing on the telly at 1:30pm today. She had gone by the time I found my glasses but she must have done a good job of it so I thought right, I’m going to cut my fringe.

This is all very boring but true. I’m just practicing doing little posts with links and stuff. Just a bit of fun really. xx

I have to take it apart again

I bought this thing 4 weeks ago and it’s still not right. At least I found the lost bits though.

Pig sick. It’s just a good job I didn’t have proper tools or I would have done the nuts up tight and it would just have to stay back to front and inside out. I still think they put L on the right leg and vice versa. My right leg is on the right side and not on the right looking from the front.

They assumed there was only one possible way to put the top on as well. It means they think everyone is stupid and would only see what was obvious without doing any thinking. Thinking about stuff gets me into a lot of trouble and confuses people. I should know better. Never mind. It might still work, it looks quite like the picture as it is. At least the top is actually on the top, just a bit back to front.

The thing will be built soon, There can’t be many more ways to join the bits together, just need to find the spanner again then get another spanner for the other end and do it properly. I’m all enthusiastic now, the end is in sight. xx