I remember writing this early one morning and I can remember the dreams too. Amazing. Anyway they might be of interest to someone a bit ‘odd’ like me so I might as well make them public. No body looks at this blog thingy anyway haha.
I had several dreams and wrote them down when I awoke.
The weather was nice and warm throughout all the dreams but did rain heavily in one dream when an ethnic Asian small band with drum being the main instrument went past. They were playing an upbeat tune and the drum rhythm sounded very good and deep. It was a happy affair and everyone was enjoying the atmosphere in the park. The rain came but was warm and didn’t dampen spirits.
The first dream was of a factory closing down then the pub and chip shop closed and then all the shops. I was on a train next. facing backwards, I thought the train was going far too fast and it was rocking and scary. A voice said it’s alright several times and it was, nothing happened, the train slowed down when it got to the bridge over the river,
The next dream had sailing boats and an old steam and sail ship which were all sailing very well in a good warm breeze. They were sailing fast down the river which was out of sight behind the houses but you could see the tall masts as they sailed down towards the sea behind Tyne dock houses but they seemed to be going up river. They cant have been because me and my 70s family got a taxi down to the South Marine park and just managed to see one or two.
The taxi went very fast and flew down the park steps like it was in San Fran going down the road in dirty harry. It was a scary journey but nothing happened until we got to the park and family got out leaving me to pay. The taxi driver disappeared down a hole to the toilet for a poo or so he said, and I had to wait for ages. There was some confusion and I heard arguments. A younger man showed me a payment card machine and it was £3.68 but after paying I asked for a receipt and it had really cost over £68. I didn’t understand why it had cost so much.
The last dream was where I was in the clinic having tests of some sort. I had a big pimple or skin tag on my back and it was a small willy. There was another willy growing out of my right side. I was not impressed especially when The photos came back, might have been xrays! I thought they were too expensive and didn’t want to pay. This dream felt different to the others. Might mean 3 more years to a first appointment and the worry that Stephen might go off me because of me being a transgender woman. I feel under constant attack from propaganda, hate and stupidity of people generally. I’m so glad I have Stephen. We are true life partners and love each other very much. He doesn’t care that I am ‘different’ and doesn’t worry about the physical things about me that I worry about. I just want to please him and actually I do but my own mind is working against me more than ever. I know why, it’s the old self hate I have carried around since I was about 13 and started to change physically and there was no way back. I wouldn’t use deodorant or anything so feminine as a self punishment. Wishing I had never been born turned to wishing I was dead at that point. I remember that very moment standing in the bathroom after being forced to have a wash and use the none scented deodorant, I had refused to use the nice smelling one. I had been stinking the house out but didn’t care, I wished I was dead. I think I started to resent mam at that point too although I still loved her. I have been feeling unworthy just lately because of my body being a travesty and it is affecting our love life as I am so ashamed of my physical form and just want to be ordinary. I feel guilty that I am only 99.9% female physically but that tiny bit that’s not physically female is being used by the anti Christ to attack me spiritually through his/its disciples of hate.
The travelling dreams mean I am moving in the right direction but am scared because things are moving quickly now and everything is new. A voice said it would be alright at least 3 times when on the train and everything was alright. I wasn’t driving or I would have been more careful, I couldn’t have gone so fast down the stairs of the park if it was me driving. I didn’t trust the taxi driver and his side kick(who appeared later). I think they were established political figures and those with fixed dogmatic views but who were capable and in charge so were able to get things done. They got me to my destination but ripped me off although they had some kind of explanation. The argument I heard meant they had a different agenda and are not to be trusted in the end. Might be Socialist Labour, Galloway and Chris Williamson.
All the sailing boats sailed well and looked great. The mixed old and dirty steam and sailing ship which was the biggest, went faster than I thought it could and looked magnificent. It could be the old Labour party making a comeback but Breakthrough is the old Labour party/movement so it represents socialism. She was unstoppable as she sailed the river behind the old houses. She made it to the sea quicker than anyone could keep up.
